Resources for Those Considering The ENM Lifestyle
Non monogamous relationships are on the rise especially in the younger adults and growing numbers of individuals are showing an interest in and practicing ethical non-monogamy. From dating apps allowing users to indicate their preference for non-monogamy, to dating apps specifically created for those practicing in the ENM lifestyle (Feeld), and ENM being represented more in pop culture, more people want to learn and understand this age-old relational structure.
If you are already in an open relationship, poly, swinging, monogamish, or if you want to learn more about the spectrum of consensual non-monogamous relationships, here are some podcasts and books I have found helpful while trying to learn more about helping clients open their relationships.There is plenty of reading and listening material out there and this is a non-exhaustive list. As with any list of resources like this, take what serves you and leave the rest behind!
Books
1. Polysecure by Jessica Fern
This is a good basic and usually the first read for many of those who are exploring the ENM lifestyle! It covers a good amount of ground concerning attachment, consideration of past trauma, and how they show up in ENM relationships.
2.The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Catherine Liszt
Possibly my favourite read out of the ones in this list! The authors do a great job of humanizing feelings and breaking up the text with small exercises you can engage in with partner(s). I have found this book helpful in challenging strongly-held beliefs that were most often misplaced or misunderstood.
3.Building Open Relationships by Liz Powell
Part storytelling part guide/workbook, I enjoyed Dr. Powell’s tone throughout the book. They offer many worksheets, examples of gentle and non-confrontational dialogue, and functional tools to apply in your existing/future relationships. I find it valuable that they touch on the intersections between non-monogamous relationships and race, gender, and disability.
4.Mono in a Poly World by Tazmyn Ozga
Specifically for those who are in a monogamous relationship where one partner is expressing interest in participating in ENM or claiming their poly identity!
Podcasts
1. Multiamory
Focuses on a wide range of ENM relationships and not just a poly/hierarchical structure. They do a range of listener Q&A episodes and invite experts who not just research but also live the ENM lifestyle.
My favorite episodes: Decolonizing Love with Millie and Nick
Can You “Fix” Your Partner’s Insecurities?
2. Normalizing Non-Monogamy- Interviews in Polyamory and Swinging
This is a slightly different type of podcast where people speak about their personal experiences and how they navigated said experiences. It’s really unique and I have no favourite episodes. I suggest going through the synopses to see which one resonates with you the most and giving it a listen!
3. We Gotta Thing
This is a couple that discusses their swinging lifestyle. I recommend starting from the first episode so you can follow their journey in a linear sense! One of my favourite episodes is Finding Who You Weren’t Looking For.
