Exploring Diverse Relationship Structures in Polyamory
Different Relationship Structures in Polyamory
What about relationship structures in polyamory?
There are many different ways to practice ethical non monogamy! We can go over a couple of them here. Everyone does poly (or polyamory, or relationship anarchy, or swinging, etc., etc., etc.) differently. Not only are the labels themselves subjective, but as described above, the way we use them has a lot of built-in variation as well.
Let’s look at some of the variations present in just the polyamory sphere as an example.
Hierarchal: You can be in loving relationships/connections with multiple partners, but the main difference in hierarchical poly is that some partners take precedence over others. This is often seen as two primary partners (or “primaries”) who are the top priority in each other’s lives and take precedent over other partners in some or many areas of their lives. A primary partner may be someone that you live with, are married to, share finances, or even have kids with, or none of that! You prioritize this relationship over other romantic ones and may even make your life decisions with this person as your primary. The other relationships may be referred to as “secondaries”
Non-Hierarchal: In a non-hierarchical polyamory dynamic, there are no primary or secondary partners. All relationships are considered equal, without ranking or prioritizing one over the others. This means there is no ranking system amongst partners, and one relationship isn’t necessarily prioritized over another.
Swinging: Swinging, refers to a practice where committed couples engage in sexual activities with other couples or individuals, typically within a social or party setting. The focus of swinging is primarily on recreational sex rather than forming romantic relationships outside the primary partnership, but this may not always be the case. Swinging can occur in various forms, from private encounters to organized events and parties.
Relationship Anarchy: “The practice of doing away with some (and sometimes all) of the traditional sociocultural 'rules' or formalities usually applied to romantic relationships” (Feeld, 2022). If you practice relationship anarchy, you reject the notion of romantic relationships taking priority or importancde over other platonic relationships--or any relationships for that matter-- in your life. This means that no one person is prioritized over another, and you are free to build connections in your life without labels or preconceived commitments.
Solo Poly: “Solo polyamory (sopo) is a broad concept in the polyamorous community and can function in many ways. People who practice solo polyamory are their own primary partners and often aren’t interested in compromising for the sake of a relationship” (WeAreHer, 2023). Folks who engage in solo poly may have multiple, consensual, romantic relationships without integrating their lives closely with their partners. Unlike more traditional forms of polyamory, solo poly individuals prioritize their autonomy, independence, and personal freedom. They do not typically seek to merge households, finances, or life plans with their partners, maintaining a clear distinction between their personal space and their romantic relationships. It is a practice and philosophy that combines the values of polyamory with a strong emphasis on personal autonomy and independence.
Kitchen Table Poly: Kitchen table polyamory refers to a style of polyamorous relationships where all members, including partners and metamours (partners of one's partner), can come together comfortably in social settings, often around a kitchen table. The name symbolizes a scenario where everyone involved in the network of relationships can sit down together, share a meal, and interact harmoniously. This approach emphasizes a sense of community, interconnectedness, and often a family-like atmosphere among all partners and metamours. It contrasts with parallel polyamory, where partners may remain separate and may not have a relationship with each other.
There are many other dynamics and structures under the umbrella of poly, and if you are curious about the lifestyle, I encourage you to research which may be the best for you!
